


Who Knew The Apocalypse Could Get This Bad

by httpsawesome



Category: Fallout (Video Games)
Genre: Gen, I'm so sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-03
Updated: 2018-06-03
Packaged: 2019-05-17 14:09:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 509
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14833745
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/httpsawesome/pseuds/httpsawesome
Summary: Even after the bombs fell. . .There are still Jake Paulers.





	Who Knew The Apocalypse Could Get This Bad

**Author's Note:**

> jake paul get reckted

Sometimes, when the blistering sun gets to be too much, you need something to distract yourself. When the irritated food gets too hard to eat, you need something to focus on to get it in your stomach. When the horrors of the wasteland make life borderline unlivable, the favorite pastime of people (vault-dwellers and wastelander alike) is to turn on the radio to hear the loud, obnoxious, scratchy voice of one of the few entertainers they have. 

“WWWHHHAAATTTTTT IS UP NEW VEGAS?! IT’S YOUR BOY JAKE! PAUL!”

Ah yes, the last survivor of vault [REDACTED], where the experiment was to see if popular ‘vloggers’ could survive on their own. After 20 years the vault doors would open and they would have to fend for themselves. When the doors opened there was one survivor, now turned ghoul, and he’ll be damned if that’s going to stop him from communicating with his Jake Paulers. 

“Alright Jake Paulers, what we are going to do today - WHAT! WE! ARE! GOING! TO! DO! TODAY! IS GET THIS RADROACH TO DAB!”

Dabbing. It used to be a lost art form and while objectively it should have stayed lost, it’s back with a vengeance. It has become a signal to find other people that aren’t embarrassed to admit that they listen to Jake Paul. Considering that every other radio station exclusively plays the same pre-war songs, the Jake Paulers are growing in numbers every day. 

“So we just - “ It’s been a hard transition, from videos to radio, and he sometimes sounds awkward when describing everything he’s doing. “We just take the radroach, gotta make sure its still alive because, haha, I don’t want one of those scandals on me… “

He also references things that happened in the past that no one can research, or even guess what he’s talking about. Most viewers would rather assume that he’s talking about an event where he was caught ‘making love’ to a radroach and move on, rather than try to deduce what he’s really talking about. 

“You just gotta take one of his arms and, while avoiding getting bit because that [dolphin noise]ing stings, and just - hE’S DABBING! IT’S LIT OUT HERE IN NEW VEGAS WE GOT DABBING RADRHFHSHF!”

Ghoul’s voices are scratchy enough, but when you’re constantly screaming it can get pretty hard to understand. Downright impossible. It has personally started a new epidemic of tinnitus for people in the wasteland trying to decipher him. 

“Wait, what’s that - THAT’S A [dolphin noise]ING RADSCORPION! IT’S COMING CLOSER!”

Any longtime fan will remember that Jake Paul had tried to reinstate ‘challenges’ again and they will know that he is currently without any armor. It’s possible that there are a few that are worried he is not going to make it. 

It took less than three minutes of hearing energy weapons firing and the sounds of the radscorpion attacking before the audience heard radio silence. They sighed collectively and turned the station, only slightly put out that there will no longer be new content that they haven’t heard before. 


End file.
